Chatty again

Whenever I'm sick I'll be more talkative than usual. I'm not really sick actually but I think lovesick counts. It's kinda frustrating actually. Because the one that I want to talk the most is not talking to me and I'm alone in the house. And really not in solitude mode. There's my sister but her interest and mine is definitely not the same. (I don't have much interest in kpop and drama lately). And my friends are busy. And the not busy one, I don't know what to talk to them, since we are not close. So...... bored. Lonely. Frustrated. I would like to just get over it but well, uh, kinda hard. I was quite sane this noon, working on TKD problem. Then I have several numbers that I got stuck.. Then I don't know who to ask except the one who is not talking to me. So after contemplating, I decided not to ask. Now is the delusional time. Wee hour until morning is crazy time. Hmm yeah quite weird. Oh why wee hour is crazy time though I rarely sleep late? Because I don't sleep well. I woke up several time until my morning alarm rang. Uh now I'm hungry. My fault for skipping lunch though. Uh I really have to learn more about patience.

My opinion

I know my opinion does not matter. Or never matter. but I want to speak up a little more than usual. Because I'm in somewhat chatty(?) mood.

I'm not a religious person. I don't even have a dream to do pilgrimage. Those 5 times a day praying time, I do all of that just because I feel somewhat weird if not doing it intentionally, because it has become a habit. I only like the wudhu part before (touching water in hot day is cooling my body) and doa part after the pray itself. I don't like reading Quran, because even after reading the meaning and thinks about it, it's just absurd. I can't comprehend. I don't like a verse saying that we are not allowed to have non-Moslem friends. One of my best-friends is Catholic and I love her. She even asked when will I wear hijab lol. I don't like the current trend of Islam who enrage about the littlest thing that they think is a form of insult. I don't like how a local Islam-based party campaigning that choosing them will be guaranteed to enter heaven. What. The. Fuck. You are not God. Why the heck you are so sure that we'll be in heaven for choosing you while we know you are corrupt? While we know you did many intolerant things, insulting many people, and hypocrite. I don't like a local Islam-based organization, who are shutting down a church just because they think it's an act of Christianization. If you fear your people will change their faith, why don't you strengthen their faith instead. All I know if we want to be respected, we have to respect others. I hate the fact that "Noah" movie is banned because its story is Biblical not Quran-based. Seriously I want to see Emma Watson in cinema, not laptop. I don't know why it turns to this way, Islam was kind back then. Like, 10 years ago? Moslems were not making a fuss about things that not in parallel with their faith.

About politics. I don't like it either, because I know none of them purely working for the citizen. That most of politicians trying to gain things only to fulfill their group greed, not for the greater good of people. But recently there people who works sincerely to make improve this country in many aspects. For the sake of those people, I will use my right to choose, so there will be more people like them sit in parliament and ministries. So this country which is kinda in the verge of collapsing can stand again, and a good place to live in.

I like reading, especially quoting things from what I read. Then I read a quote, that those quotes we like are not describing the book. Those quotes describe us.

PS: You open my mind, you know that? I kinda wish I could be as outspoken as you about injustice, intolerance, etc. 

Dorothy Law Notle poem

I grew up reading these poem, translated one in Indonesian. I don't know where my parents got it, it was hanging on the wall in a big frame. They don't really apply it to me I think lol, but seems I learn how to behave myself. Maybe it's a part that shape my current personality? Who knows.

If a child lives with criticism,
he learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility,
he learns to fight.
If a child lives with fear,
he learns to be apprehensive.
If a child lives with pity,
he learns to feel sorry for himself.
If a child lives with ridicule,
he learns to be shy.
If a child lives with jealousy,
he learns what envy is.
If a child lives with shame,
he learns to feel guilty.
If a child lives with encouragement,
he learns to be confident.
If a child lives with tolerance,
he learns to be patient.
If a child lives with praise,
he learns to be appreciative.
If a child lives with acceptance,
he learns to love.
If a child lives with approval,
he learns to like himself.
If a child lives with recognition,
he learns that it is good to have a goal.
If a child lives with sharing,
he learns about generosity.
If a child lives with honesty and fairness,
he learns what truth and justice are.
If a child lives with security,
he learns to have faith in himself and in those about him.
If a child lives with friendliness,
he learns that the world is a nice place in which to live.
If you live with serenity,
your child will live with peace of mind.
With what is your child living?

I myself don't have a child yet, of course haha. But I think I'll apply this to my future children.

My parents............. hmm I never talk about them, rarely. I don't know if I've said it when I was a kid, but I think I never say I love them. They force me to do things, even now. Maybe that's why I lack of sincerity. My opinion never matter much. Yeah I got to speak up but well that's it. They never change their attitude to me. So when they got angry to me, I never take it to heart. I don't care much about what they say. Why should I, they don't care about what I said either. "Go do that, or else your mom/dad will be mad". When I got mad they don't care anyway, why should I care if they mad? Nah don't give comment like 'you should be grateful, they've take a good care of you till you grow up' ans so on. I think those are their responsibility, and I do grateful.   

Babbling

HEY C BE HAPPY!
(dark) February has passed, so be cheerful! Your friend is getting married, several has birthdays and you'll go on a trip!

Or no. There's TKD try out test on 17. I miss hanging out with friends, doing almost nothing in 2 weeks makes me feel trapped, stuffy. Makes me having all those negative thoughts again. Actually I don't really need to go to other city or such, watching a movie or just walking around a mall will do. Yeah I know I did that last month but there are several other friends I want to meet. Geez I'm bored.

Well I tried pilates this morning. For a 30 minutes exercise it was quite tiring, makes me feel extra hungry.

I am perfectly fine. I don't need to go to doctors, eat medicines, or got a USG. Hah.

Seriously I don't have to be jealous towards such thing right? Such a shallow thought C, you are so superficial.

Frozen's 'Let It Go' won Oscar for Best OST. Makes me want to watch it, gonna search for its torrent after this.

Stuck at home means doing chores and makes me feel like a maid. Maybe because I'm not sincere in doing those lol. How to grow my sincerity? Pft.